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3 Techniques for Handling People in Professional Networking

3 Techniques for Handling People in Professional Networking

Here are three principles Dale Carnegie suggests for handling people and how you can apply them to professional relationship building.

Devin Keane
June 21, 2023

Read time: 5 minutes

Hi Proactive Professional,

Last week, we explored establishing effective networking systems by applying Atomic Habits frameworks to new connection outreach and current connection upkeep (in case you missed it, read it here).

Why, throughout college and junior level positions, do we put so much emphasis on technical skills and little to none on people skills? By the time most of us are promoted into more senior roles, we’re struggling with managerial skills and using poor techniques like criticism, flattery, selfishness, and complaining. This causes tense and unfavorable work environments—and people don’t leave bad jobs, they leave bad bosses.

People skills are equally as important when it comes to relationship building and establishing meaningful connections. So, let’s discuss social success and its importance in creating mutually beneficial relationships that can evolve from “sure, I’ll add your resume to the stack” to “I’d LOVE to be an advocate for you for any future opportunities.”

What NOT to do, if that wasn’t obvious.

Dale Carnegie realized early on that dealing with people is often the biggest challenge in any professional work, which is why he taught classes and wrote a book on the topic. This week is part one of a four-part series on Carnegie’s vintage self-help book How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936). He sets out to provide guidance on interacting with the people around you, and he does so by breaking it into four parts—each consisting of important principles for achieving mutually beneficial relationships.

Carnegie provides examples of situations where one of these principles was not followed, followed by examples of people who successfully applied the principles. He understood that technical knowledge alone is insufficient for success; the majority of one's success comes from skill in managing human relationships.

"The person who has technical knowledge plus the ability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people—that person is headed for higher earning power"

Dale Carnegie

Let's jump into it—Part 1: Techniques in Handling People

Here are 3 principles for Proactive Professionals on handling people:

1. Don’t Criticize, Condemn or Complain

Takeaway: "Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes them strive to justify themselves. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts their sense of importance, and arouses resentment."
Tip: If you find yourself in a situation where one of your familiar connections has ghosted you, you may have violated this principle. Remember that people are not logical; they are emotional creatures. Criticizing them may temporarily satisfy you, but it damages the relationship. Fools criticize, condemn, and complain about others, while successful relationship builders try to understand why people behave the way they do. By understanding them, you can not only maintain but also grow the relationship.

2. Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation

Takeaway: "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated”
Tip: Many people are aware of this concept, but few actually follow through, especially when it comes to being sincere. Carnegie emphasizes that flattery comes from the teeth out, while appreciation comes from the heart out. Most connections can distinguish between the two! Don't offer empty words during conversations; show your interest through action. If you found something they said or did interesting, research the topic and send them an article that might pique their interest. If you promised to do something following a conversation, follow through. Be the person who does what they say they'll do—it's one of the best ways to show honest appreciation.

3. Arouse in the Other Person an Eager Want

Takeaway: "Personally I am very fond of strawberries and cream, but I have found that for some strange reason, fish prefer worms. So when I went fishing, I didn’t think about what I wanted. I thought about what they wanted. I didn’t bait the hook with strawberries and cream. Rather, I dangled a worm or a grasshopper in front of the fish and said, ‘Wouldn’t you like to have that?"
Tip: Have you ever built a relationship by solely focusing on your own wants and needs? Probably not. The only way to influence others is to speak in terms of what they want and demonstrate how you can help them achieve it. When interacting with your connections, understand their perspective, assist them in fulfilling their needs, and reciprocity will naturally follow. Remember to play the long game.

Techniques for handling people are crucial at any stage of a professional relationship. They can be the determining factor in transforming professional connections from unfamiliar or familiar stages to more meaningful ones.

Credit: Firstround

This image perfectly captures the essence of what we're trying to achieve with this newsletter: Understanding how our networks fall into these concentric circles and how we can bring connections closer to the center or observe as they drift toward the outskirts. I will frequently refer to this image in this newsletter to illustrate how all connections start in the same "unfamiliar" place, with only a few making it to truly meaningful relationships.

What I am committing to improve my techniques in better handling my connections (time commitment ~1.5 hours):

🍸 Expressing my gratitude to two colleagues for their mentorship over dinner and drinks (~10 minutes)
📞 Calling a mentee to explore what they want to do next and ways I can support (~30 minutes)
🏄‍♀️ Sharing this podcast about Patagonia founder Yvon Chouinard's biography, "Let My People Go Surfing", with two adventurous business connections (~10 minutes)
🤔 Reflecting on my week this Friday: Did I resort to complaints, criticism, and condemnation or practice patience and empathy by understanding others' perspectives? (~30 minutes)

What are you committing to this week? Reply to this email!

Helpful Links:
Buy How to Win Friends & Influence People
Listen to Founders Podcast on Yvon Chouinard
Buy Let My People Go Surfing

Best of luck building,

Devin