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5 Lessons from Tim Ferriss on Building Meaningful Relationships

5 Lessons from Tim Ferriss on Building Meaningful Relationships

What we can learn from Tim's interviewing skills when it comes to building meaningful relationships.

Devin Keane
July 17, 2024

Welcome to buildbetter, your weekly guide to understanding and building meaningful relationships in all aspects of your life.

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Read time: 4 minutes

Today at a glance:

I’m on a family reunion this week, so enjoy this repost from last year!

Topic: What Tim Ferriss can teach us about building meaningful relationships
Tactic: 5 lessons from Tim's interview style
Commitments: 🤝

Today, we are discussing Tim Ferriss and how his ability to build relationships has been a key differentiator in the massive success of his podcast—The Tim Ferriss Show.

If you are not familiar with Tim Ferriss, he’s an entrepreneur, investor, author, podcaster, and lifestyle guru. In addition to his successful podcast, Tim is the author of The 4 Hour Work Week (along with numerous other books on lifestyle optimization), creator of the popular newsletter 5-Bullet Friday, and has stacked up impressive angel investing accolades with companies including Uber, Twitter, Shopify, and Duolingo.

In a recent podcast, Tim Ferriss flips his typical script—where he does the interviewing—and is interviewed by legendary investor Bill Gurley. Tim touches on some insightful topics of how he preps for interviews on his podcast.

There is a reason Tim’s podcast sticks out amongst a sea of similarly made podcasts. Sure, his guests are well known and already have built in followers.

But it’s more than that. Tim’s ability to quickly establish rapport, build a real relationship with guests, and make them comfortable enough to discuss topics they have not covered on other podcasts are just a few of the things that makes him great at what he does.

So, what does Tim Ferriss’ interviewing style teach us about building meaningful relationships?

5 Things Tim Ferriss’ Interview Style Teaches Us About Building Meaningful Relationships:

1. Do Your Homework

Takeaway: “Before I even invite someone, [I’m] looking at long-form video and audio to the extent possible…I’m looking for any odd hobbies or comments that weren’t fleshed out…It will prove to the interviewee that I have actually looked at the details and done my homework, which is really important for a lot of interviewees. Because if you don’t prove that early, they’re going to go on autopilot and they’re gone."
Tip: If you have a planned meetup with someone new—like a job interview, a networking intro, etc.—you should always do your research on them. Take a look at their LinkedIn, find out what they like, speculate on their goals, and anticipate how you can be helpful. It helps direct the conversation and shows that you are interested in them. If you show up unprepared, expect awkward gaps in an unmemorable conversation.

2. Talk About Topics that are Being Neglected

Takeaway: “I will try to identify what has been neglected, what has not been mentioned, and that can lead to some interesting places. Not always comfortable places"
Tip: Even when we research someone, we still are only seeing part of the picture. I like to think there are multiple sides to everyone (like Everything, Everywhere, All at Once). Be curious and ask questions that lead to topics they may not get to talk about often. It’s the difference between asking “what are your strengths?” and “if your best friend was your job reference, what would they say about you?”

3. Understand Their Motivations

Takeaway: “Then I ask them, and people comment on this because almost no one asks this, ‘What would make this a home run for you? Looking back after it’s published, say two months after it’s published, what would make this one of your favorite interviews or something that you would point people to?’"
Tip: The quicker you understand someone's ambitions and goals, the quicker you can speak in terms of their wants and (most importantly) demonstrate how you can help them achieve those wants. This puts you in a very valuable place by establishing the grounds for a mutually beneficial relationship. Now you evoke a sense of reciprocity once you help them.

4. Open Up so They Feel Comfortable Doing the Same

Takeaway: “If I want to try to unbox something that hasn’t been explored before, there’s probably a good reason it hasn’t been explored. So, I will find something in that same category. Could be relationships, could be a business failure. I will volunteer that information from my side first just to provide some transparency."
Tip: No discussion should silo either person into “the question asker” and “the responder.” Conversations go two ways, especially when they’re meaningful. Mention upfront how a question relates back to you (i.e. if you answered the question, what you would say). This sets the stage for earning reciprocity, getting the person to be more comfortable answering the question, and feeling more connected to you after knowing your perspective.

5. The Importance of Being Introduced

Takeaway: “I will very frequently ask guests, not always, but ask them if there’s anyone they think would really have fun having a conversation on the podcast. So I’d say 70 percent of the guests come from other guests at this point.”
Tip: A great way to continue to expand your network in a meaningful way is to ask strong connections who they think you’d be interested in connecting with. This allows you to use vetted connections to make introductions. This is significantly more targeted than cold networking or even going to events that have many different people looking for many different things. The chances of having an interesting conversation and finding a meaningful connection are materially higher than going in blind.

Tim teaches us how to make conversations productive, unique, and mutually beneficial—three things that make all the difference in establishing trust upfront versus losing interest immediately from new connections.

So make sure to do your homework, ask the right questions, and answer the right questions so you can make the most out of every conversation—and avoid being called Billy Madison.