5 Ways to Make People Like You

We learned how to establish mutual respect, now lets build likeability with some of Dale Carnegie's advice.

Author

Devin Keane
June 28, 2023

Read time: 5 minutes

Hi Proactive Professional,

Last week, we looked at part one of How to Win Friends and Influence People to learn how to "handle" people. But what does that even mean? Well, if you refresh yourself on last week's buildbetter, you'll notice that techniques in handling people are really related to establishing respect both in communication and initial interactions.

Establishing respect alone does not necessarily create productive and mutually beneficial relationships, though—it's merely the soil in which a true connection can grow. We’ve seen plenty of fictional relationships that are built on respect and dislike for one another, resulting in a lot of conflict—like Dwight & Jim and Roy Kent & Jamie Tartt. Those relationships aren’t able to see success until they actually begin to like one another (and I won’t include any spoilers for either show, even though The Office season finale aired 10 years ago).

After talking about establishing respect, Dale Carnegie goes on to share ways to make people like you. This is how you begin to form mutually beneficial relationships with connections and can avoid professional relationships with people you just don’t like.

Lets jump into Part 2 of my How to Win Friends and Influence People series—Ways to Make People Like You

Here are 5 ways for Proactive Professionals to make people like you:

1. Become Genuinely Interested in Other People

  • Takeaway: "Did you ever stop to think that a dog is the only animal that doesn’t have to work for a living? A hen has to lay eggs, a cow has to give milk, and a canary has to sing. But a dog makes his living by giving you nothing but love."

  • Tip: Okay, you don't have to love your professional connections—that may land you in a weird situation. However, we do know that the only way to be interesting is to be genuinely interested. Stop trying to make connections by speaking about yourself. Focus on them, avoid flattery, and remember the small details that matter most to that person. The best way to help others while helping yourself is to keep the spotlight on the most important thing—them!

2. Smile!

  • Takeaway: "Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, 'I like you, You make me happy. I am glad to see you. That is why dogs are such a hit. They are so glad to see us that they almost jump out of their skins. So naturally, we are glad to see them.”

  • Tip: Smiling, a simple yet powerful habit, is often overlooked when it comes to building likability. Why do we forget this effective technique in creating and strengthening connections? Perhaps it's because people think that the action of smiling can only follow the feeling of being happy. If they are not happy, they forget to smile. However, the relationship between action and feeling is closer than we realize. By regulating the action, we can indirectly regulate the feeling. Not to mention, science tells us that when we smile, our brain releases tiny molecules that fight off stress, and then other neurotransmitters like dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins come into play too. It's no wonder that we are better received, both in person and over the phone, when we have a genuine smile on our faces.

3. Remember and Use the Person's Name

  • Takeaway: "The average person is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on earth put together. Remember that name and call it easily, and you have paid a subtle and very effective compliment. But forget it or misspell it—and you have placed yourself at a sharp disadvantage."

  • Tip: When you meet someone, find a method that helps you remember their name effectively. You'll be amazed at how the simple act of knowing someone's name adds significance to the information you share or the favor you ask. Whether you're interacting with a waiter or a CEO, using their name will work wonders as you engage with others.

  • Bonus: 5 Steps to Remembering Someone’s Name

    1. Stop saying you’re bad at names

    2. Say their name back to them

    3. Make associations in your head

    4. Say their name slowly and intentionally one more time

    5. If you forget, own up to it and ask

      Credit: Zapier

4. Be a Good Listener and Encourage Others to Talk About Themselves

  • Takeaway: "If you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other people will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments."

  • Tip: Develop the skill of asking open-ended questions that encourage others to share. Discover what they are most interested and passionate about. Remember, the people you interact with are significantly more interested in themselves, their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems. If you want someone to write you off quickly, never listen for long, talk only about yourself, and interrupt often…Let's avoid that!

5. Talk in Terms of the Other Person’s Interests

  • Takeaway: "The royal road to a person's heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most."

  • Tip: As you actively listen and begin to narrow in on things that interest them, try to find some common ground with that person. If you can relate to those interests, speak to them and see what their opinion is. If you know you are having a conversation, research some of those interests. Alternatively, you can let the other person teach you about their interests, which can be a great opportunity for learning. I surely have never turned down an opportunity to speak about soccer or Arsenal (except conversations about bottling the league despite spending 248 days at the top of the table. There's always next year!).

What do all of these things have in common when used? They all make the person you are interacting with feel important, and that is the key to making others like you. As Carnegie mentions:

"You want the approval of those with whom you come in contact. You want recognition of your true worth. You want a feeling that you are important in your little world. You DON’T want to listen to cheap, insincere flattery, but you do crave sincere appreciation. You want your friends and associates to be hearty in their approbation and lavish in their praise.”

Whether it’s your first time meeting, a budding relationship, or a connection you have had for years, remember to make the person feel important. This is the best way to begin to push that relationship to a more meaningful one.

It goes without saying that we aren’t going to like everyone and everyone isn’t going to like us. However, when you put in the effort, you’ll be surprised what new relationships you will build.

What I am committing to do to make others feel important (time commitment ~2.5 hours):

  • 🗣️ Reminding a connection that they do a great job of making others feel important (~5 minutes)

  • 👨‍💻 Crafting a personalized set of open-ended questions to ask new connections, working off this list as a base (~30 minutes)

  • 🤝 Attending a NYC tech networking event hosted by Vin Matano and making sure my pearly whites are showing when making connections (~1.5 hours)

  • 🤔 Reflecting on my week this Friday: Did I let the people I met this week do most of the talking in initial conversations? (~30 minutes)

What are you committing to this week? Reply to this email!

Best of luck building,

Devin