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4 Ways to Influence Others to Change Their Behaviors
Dale Carnegie closes his influential book with ways to change people without offending them.
Before we get started, I'm happy to announce the launch of buildbetter rewardsš To start, subscribers with one or more referrals will have access to a bonus takeaway each week. More rewards for more referrals will be announced in the coming weeks. Now letās dive inā¦
Read time: 4 minutes
Hi Proactive Professional,
Last week, we discussed maintaining likeability in disagreement by persuading others to see your perspective (in case you missed it, read it here).
This puts a relationship facing conflict back on track, steering clear of bitter resentment. But whether youāre managing up, managing down, or helping a connection whoās stuck in a difficult situation, sometimes you need to evoke change in the person, rather than just agreeing to disagree. The issue may not be your problem, but you'll be held in higher regard if you assist with it.
Avoid this!
Let's face it, whether the connection is en route to becoming meaningful or already is meaningful, you can't maintain that level of a connection by letting others fail when they come to you. Being likable in disagreement is step one, but convincing them of a "different way" without offending them or arousing resentment is a very important step two.
Let's jump into Part 4 of my How to Win Friends and Influence People SeriesāHow to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
Here are 4 ways for Proactive Professionals to influence others to change their behaviors:
1. Praise First, Constructive Criticism After
Takeaway: "Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his work with Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocain is pain-killing."
Tip: When you need to provide constructive criticism, start with a sincere compliment. This approach is like a spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down. It eases the sting of criticism and opens the door for a more receptive conversation. Remember, it's not about sugarcoating the issue, but about creating a positive environment where constructive feedback can be accepted and, more importantly, acted upon.
2. Use Mistakes to Your Advantage
Takeaway: "Calling attention to oneās mistakes indirectly works wonders with sensitive people who may resent bitterly any direct criticism." Further, "admitting oneās own mistakesāeven when one hasnāt corrected themācan help convince somebody to change his behavior."
Tip: Mistakes are a part of life. But when it comes to pointing them out, a direct approach can often lead to defensiveness. Instead, take the scenic route. Guide the conversation in a way that allows the other person to recognize their own missteps. Once they are thinking about the corrective actions they can take, consider showing your cards too. Sharing your own past mistakes can humanize you, fostering empathy and understanding. You show that you've been in a similar place and had no issue changing direction, making them more accepting of their shortcomings.
3. Make Suggestions Instead of Giving Orders
Takeaway: "People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued."
Tip: Offering suggestions instead of giving direct orders gives the other person a sense of autonomy and involvement in the decision-making process. It's not about dictating what should be done, but about fostering a collaborative environment where ideas can be shared and considered. This way, you're not imposing your will, but guiding them towards a mutually beneficial outcome.
4. Give Them a Reputation to Live Up to, Make the Issue Easy to Correct
Takeaway: "Give a dog a bad name and you may as well hang him. But give him a good nameāand see what happens!"
Tip: Reputation, it's a powerful thing (just ask Taylor Swift). If you give someone a positive reputation to uphold, they are more likely to act in ways that align with that image. This can be a powerful motivator for change. Additionally, when addressing issues that need correction, frame them as manageable and easily rectifiable. It's not about minimizing the problem, but about empowering the person to take action.
BONUS: 5. Available to Subscribers With at Least 1 Referral
Takeaway: š¤«
Tip: š¤«
This is a skillset that is important to keep in mind at any stage of your career and relationships building process. When I try to boil it down to a single word, my mind immediately jumps to leadership.
There is a common misconception of leadershipāthat you must be the most senior person on a team or elected by those around you. Thatās not true! Anyone can be a leader and by using these tips, you can flex leadership muscles at any level in any team. Incorporating them into your interactions creates more meaningful connections and establishes you as a person to come back to for advice in the future.
What I am committing to this week for both networking and influencing others (time commitment ~3.5 hours):
šø Catching up with a former co-worker over drinks (~1 hour)
š Calling my college roommate to see what he's most excited about ahead of his Stanford MBA program (~30 minutes)
š Incorporating tip #3 when attending Andrew Yeung's July Tech Rooftop Mixer (~1.5 hours)
š¤ Reflecting on my week this Friday: Did I follow tip #1 when giving constructive criticism to any connections (~30 minutes)
What are you committing to this week? Reply to this email!
How did you like the multipart series format? |
Helpful Links:
Buy How to Win Friends & Influence People
Find out about Andrew Yeung's other events
Stream reputation by Taylor Swift
Best of luck building,
Devin