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Why the Most Important Networking Attribute is Self-Awareness

Turns out you don’t need to be a people person to be a connecting pro. You need to know yourself.

Author

Devin Keane
December 13, 2023

Read time: 5 minutes

Hi Proactive Professional,

This week I started reading the book Superconnector by Scott Gerber & Ryan Paugh. Right from the beginning, they introduced one of the most obvious, yet overlooked attributes of the best connectors: self-awareness. 

"Most people think superconnectors are very good 'people people,' but I think it's the opposite. The best superconnectors know themselves. It's not about knowing others; it's about knowing where you thrive, how you connect, your favorite conversation starter. The people who have studied themselves are the best connectors."

This resonates deeply, however I never put it into works until this book threw it in my face

Introspection has played a serious role in the evolution of my connecting abilities since I left my job and threw myself into all things networking.

I noticed that when I tried to "work the room" at larger events, I'd run out of energy quickly. I'd find myself much more interested in revisiting conversations that centered around shared interests or missions rather than just bouncing around to meet as many individuals as possible.

I recognized my limited social energy and dislike for small talk, so going forward I set a goal to meet just two people that I could have meaningful conversations with and could help in some way.

From here, I started prioritizing smaller, more curated networking events: dinners, small meetups, activity-based networking (such as playing soccer or billiards). This is when I started to thrive and build connections rather than merely connecting and moving on to the next.

I discovered that showcasing my best self in new encounters meant playing into my strengths and minimizing my weaknesses. To do that, I needed to first realize exactly what I was all about.

Today, I'll give you the tools to figure out what you’re all about.

Building the Bedrock of Networking: Self-Awareness:

1. Figure Out What Makes You Tick

Said differently, self-awareness is everything. I personally view it as a superpower.

It helps you understand your:

  • Strengths and weaknesses

  • Thoughts and motivations

  • Things to avoid and things to lean into

But most importantly, it allows you to understand how people perceive you.

I can't tell you what makes you tick, but I can give you questions that help you figure out what does.

Take a personal inventory by answering these questions honestly. If you are serious about it, I'd suggest writing them down (don't worry, this is for your eyes only).

Now, you can determine where you need adjustments and what can work to your advantage.

2. Determine What Type of Connector You Are

There isn't one type of connector who can do it all. In Superconnector, they break down types of connectors into three categories:

  • Thinkers: Curious to the max. They have a hundred ideas a minute; they're just not always the best at executing them.

  • Enablers: Can assemble people together and share ideas with them. Enablers love to introduce people to one another.

  • Connection Executors: The accomplishers. They take other people's ideas and make them happen.

Enablers may coordinate people, but they aren't bringing new ideas to the table and finding ways to execute on them.

Thinkers will come up with hundreds of ideas but without Connection Executors, those ideas remain just that—ideas.

If you don’t understand your type, how can you find others to complement your weaknesses?

Figure out which type you are, surround yourself with connectors that fit the other molds, and you can play off your respective strengths and weaknesses to create meaningful outcomes!

3. Pick Your Pond

"The most self-aware and successful superconnectors root themselves in the places where they feel happiest and most stable. This is fundamental to having a satisfying life, but also a necessity if you want to build relationships with meaning and depth."

Part of being aware of what makes you tick is understanding the places you are most comfortable inhabiting. This goes for both where you live (big city, small city, suburbs, etc.), and the types of networking events you attend. If you hate a loud bar, don't attend a networking event there. Instead attend a smaller curated dinner or activity-based networking event like Pitch on the Pitch soccer networking in tech.

BONUS: 4. Let Curiosity Guide You

Stop trying to be someone you’re not. It will make you uncomfortable and your best self will not shine through

You already know yourself better than anyone else. Now use that to your advantage when it comes to meeting and connecting with others. But make sure to steer clear of those weaknesses…

What I’m committing to this week for building relationships (time commitment ~6.5 hours):

Best of luck building,

Devin