What Made This Community Building Event One of the Most Impactful I’ve Ever Attended

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Read time: 7 minutes

Today at a glance:

I went to an event for community builders and it was one of the most memorable ones I’ve been to yet—here's what I learned.

• Topic: Community = relationships. And what we can learn from it

• Learnings:

  • Better ways to break the ice

  • The Helper’s Paradox

  • Attending container events

  • Overcoming imposter syndrome while connecting

• Event's and communities for meaningful connection

• Commitments: 🤝

This past weekend I went to a "conference" for community builders and content creators hosted by David Nebinski called C3. David is a community manager, podcast host of the Portfolio Career Podcast, and an expert at bringing people together. Here’s a short highlight reel of the C3 event:

davidnebs

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However, it feels wrong to even call the event a conference (hence the quotes), because conferences have the negative association with sitting around half asleep, listening to speaker after speaker drudge on, just waiting for the next coffee break.

What made this event so different from your average conference was the niche selection of attendees (community builders and creators), the goals (promoting meaningful connection in our respective communities, sharing wins, and solving problems), and the activities (lighting talks, masterminds, and a live podcast recording). The most impactful of all were the learnings that came out of getting all these community builders in the same place for 6 hours.

I was quickly reminded that a community is nothing without its relationships. They are the glue.

Because of that, each community builder had some unique insights on how to promote building these meaningful relationships.

So whether you are trying to foster deeper connections with others or you promote them within communities you're a part of, there's a lot to learn from these community builders.

Here are some of the unique things I took away from the event.

Learnings From Expert Community Builders and Applying Them to Become Better Connectors

Better Ways to Break the Ice

When meeting new people, it's hard to break the ice. Even worse, you could get stuck playing a game like telephone or two truths and a lie.

Finding a creative way to quickly get people talking to each other in authentic ways is difficult. But both strategies used at C3 worked really well.

1. David's fun fact bingo card

Prior to the event, a handful of us submitted fun facts. David put these on a bingo card and handed it to us when we arrived along with the directions: "try to guess someone's fun fact and put their name in the blank space." It immediately got people moving around the room, talking to others, and trying to figure out who almost got killed by a pig. It allowed us to jump right into learning about others as people, rather than resorting to the all too common "what do you do for a living."

2. Rapid drawing exercise by Meagan Mahaffy (aka @artgurl__)

We were given 10 successive prompts (something you love, something you hate, what you ate for breakfast) and asked to draw each in under 10 seconds on post-it notes. The beauty of it is that you could be a professional artist or have the artistic dexterity of a toddler (i.e. me…) and whatever you put on that post-it will still not be great. It's an awesome way to get people out of their comfort zones.

After which, we were encouraged to either trade post-its or walk around with them on our shirts and guess what others drew for each prompt. It led to many funny conversations.

Learnings from Kaila J. Lim's Lighting Talk

Kaila works at Antler VC in NYC focusing on Founder Experience and Community. She emphasized two things that resonated deeply when it comes to building relationships.

1. Being a "helper" who doesn't ask for help yourself is stunting your ability to build relationships

Kaila looked around the room and asked, "do you get energy from helping other people?" Everyone raised their hands.

Then she asked "have you asked for help lately?" and many hands went down.

She then pointed out—"You're not getting involved in the ‘helping economy’ and letting us have the opportunity to help you!"

When she said that, it seemed like a helper’s paradox. Something struck me—I genuinely feel closer to others when I help them. I'm sure they feel the same way when I reach out for help and they know they can make an impact.

It reminded me that being the best helper of others but failing to ask for help yourself does not build relationships.

A thought that hits home because I find myself in that bucket often—always doing the most to help everyone around me but hardly asking others for help when it comes to any struggles.

What I've since learned is that a relationship can't be one way, otherwise resentment quickly forms. Plus, just helping others doesn't establish mutuality. In fact, asking for help actually strengthens the right relationships. It builds trust and reciprocity with the good ones while weeding out those who won’t show up when you need them.

2. Attend events that are life-giving not life-draining 

Kaila talked about the differences in two types of events and how to find ones where you have the opportunity to build real bonds with others. She described these as "containers" as opposed to "gatherings."

Containers are events with a higher barrier to entry but create deeper connections. They require:

• A collective clear start and end time

• Active participation and collaboration from attendees (small group sessions, activities, or common goals)

The barrier to entry is higher because it requires a firm commitment and buy in to whatever activities will take place with an emphasis of being present throughout. That then creates an opportunity to bond with others that have similar interests and are fully bought into all aspects of the event! C3 is a perfect example of a container.

On the other hand, gatherings have a lower barrier to entry because:

• People can come and go as they please

• They require passive effort and collaboration (talking to others or participating in activities is totally up to you)

You can think of gatherings as mixers and happy hours (where you choose to talk to one or 20 people) or going to the movies (no active collaboration with others).

When thinking about events to attend or places to spend time when making real connections, consider focusing on containers rather than gatherings.

Terry Rice on How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome

Terry is an author, speaker, and podcast host sharing his experience on developing personal and professional resilience.

In sharing with us, he spoke about a great way to move past impostor syndrome when making new personal and professional relationships.

Oftentimes when going to an event or meeting someone new, we doubt that we belong there in the first place. It stops our authentic selves from coming through while making new connections.

To get ahead of that feeling, Terry suggests writing down three things you overcame in the past and what that allows you to say about yourself. In doing so, you are giving yourself the permission to belong there.

It could be the time you moved/acclimated to a new city, getting a job, making those friends in the past.

For me, I would say:

• Successfully switching industries 3+ times

• Making friends in three different cities I've lived in that continue to keep in touch

• Starting and growing a newsletter to a subscriber count I'm very proud of

There's only so much of a 6 hour event that can fit into a 5 minute newsletter, otherwise I'd go on and on. Something that became clear after C3 was that I have a ton more to learn when it comes to supporting all of you reading buildbetter and I plan on trying many things out in the future.

If there are any ways you’d like to feel more connected to others in the buildbetter community, I’d love to hear. Just reply to this email!

Events and Communities I Learned About Through C3:

• StoryTell: Sharing personal stories to feel more connected in our human experience in NYC (website, @storytell)

• ArtGurl: Low stakes arts & crafts for deeper connection to self and community (website, @artgurl__)

• Follow Jacey Adler on insta or tiktok for things to do in NYC that aren't just eating or drinking (like this one on The Drawing Room)

• Push The Envelope: A live concert and immersive experience delivering performance, whimsy, music, and dance in NYC on April 6th (more details and tickets here). 

• ⬆This event is being put on by Lightning Society: A social wellness movement bringing community back to urban living (website, @lightningsociety)

• Vulnerable AF - The Art of Brave Confident Intimacy: An evening of dynamic relational practices that deepen presence, strengthen communication and embrace the power of authenticity on April 11th (tickets, @vulnerableaf) 

• Led by Community x Fabrik x Generalist World - Community IRL Event in NYC: An event for community leaders, builders, and seekers on April 18th (learn more and register here)

• Reading Rhythms: Not a book club. A reading party. Read with friends to curated music in NYC. Reading Rhythms is hosting a very unique event at The Edge in NYC on April 23rd where you can read at 1,000+ feet and watch the sunrise for World Book Day (website, @reading_rhythms)

• The Confetti Project - The Self-Love Celebration Lab on May 11th: An event bringing play back to adulthood for stress-relief and finding joy in the everyday chaos. An immersive experience that gives you an opportunity to make a mess while embracing the messiness of being alive (sign up here, @the_confetti_project)

• An event that happened in the past, but I couldn't leave out: Devin Karbowicz throwing a party for her colon (check it out here)

Best of luck building,

Devin