5 Ways to Perfect Your Mindset About Networking

1. Become a Member of the Club

• Takeaway: “I came to believe that in some very specific ways life, like golf, is a game, and that the people who know the rules, and know them well, play it best and succeed. And the rule in life that has unprecedented power is that the individual who knows the right people, for the right reasons, and utilizes the power of these relationships can become a member of the ‘club,’ whether he started out as a caddie or not.”

• Tip: At every stage in your career, seek out the groups and individuals that align with your version of success. Work your way into the club that allows you to learn from the right people. If there isn’t an existing club, build the community by finding the right people and asking for their help and guidance. A good starting point is always finding ways to make other people more successful (after all, that’s what true networking is!).

2. Don’t Keep Score

• Takeaway: “A network functions precisely because there’s recognition of mutual need. There's an implicit understanding that investing time and energy in building personal relationships with the right people will pay dividends. The majority of “one percenters” are in that top stratum because they understand this dynamic.”

• Tip: Keeping score and playing quid pro quo games is no way to build a relationship. Others naturally believe that by helping you, it will pay off for them in the long run. Heck, often when you are reaching out to someone, you already know the value they could provide to you far outweighs the value you can bring to them. That means generosity is the name of the game. Do as much as you can to help them in any way possible. Help them believe that investing time in you and your success will pay off for them in the long run.

3. Figure Out Your Mission

• Takeaway: “The more specific you are about what you want to do, the easier it becomes to develop a strategy to accomplish it. Part of that strategy, of course, is establishing relationships with the people in your universe who can help you get where you’re going.”

• Tip: As funny as it sounds, people rarely have clearly defined goals. They often float through life, doing things based on the norm or how things are supposed to work. It’s important to put in the work up front to think about what your passion is, what the resulting goals may be, and what network can help you achieve them. By doing so, you avoid falling into something that you should do and instead build positive momentum towards what you truly want to do.

• P.S. If you want an idea of how to do this, see the bonus tip for creating a Relationship Action Plan.

4. Build it Before You Need it

• Takeaway: “The great myth of networking is that you start reaching out to others only when you need something like a job. In reality, people who have the largest circle of contacts, mentors, and friends know that you must reach out to others long before you need anything at all.”

• Tip: Like many, I once only reached out when I needed something. During my Investment Banking recruitment, I contacted over 1,000 Wall Street bankers giving each a similar pitch. The only five that were very useful during that process (and that I still keep in touch with today) were the ones I had multiple conversations with about hobbies, Wall Street, asked for advice, and more well before any recruitment kicked off. The lesson? Build social capital well before you need to ask for anything. Others are far more likely to help you if they already know and like you.

5. The Genius of Audacity

• Takeaway: “Mustering the audacity to talk with people who don’t know me often simply comes down to balancing the fear I have of embarrassment against the fear of failure and its repercussions. For me, either I ask or I’m not successful. That fear always overrides my anxiety about rejection or being embarrassed.”

• Tip: It never hurts to ask. Putting yourself out there to have conversations with new people can be a scary thing, but what do you really have to lose? A few minutes of uncomfortable conversation or no reply to online outreach? To summarize Jeff Bezos’ famous quote when starting Amazon—you won’t regret trying and failing, you’ll regret not ever having tried in the first place.

BONUS Cheat Sheet: Available to Subscribers With at Least 1 Referral

What I am committing to this week for building relationships (~3 hours):

• ✍ Creating a personal relationship action plan while I venture off on my own business (~1.5 hours)

• 🍽 Using the relationship action plan to guide conversations at a founders dinner I’m attending (~1 hour)

• 📝 Sharing an interesting study sent to me on the relationships between income and emotional well being (~10 minutes)

• 🤔 Reflecting on my week this Friday: Are the relationships I’m investing time into mutually beneficial or just a waste of energy? (~30 minutes)

• 💍 Celebrating one very successful personal relationship (Forever!)

What are you committing to this week? Reply to this email!